I’ve always been a little different… But you would never know. From as young as I could remember, I spent my days being what everyone wanted me to be. Obedient, happy, agreeable. But who was that benefiting? It wasn’t until I was 28 did I take the power back into my hands and start asking the tough questions as to why?

What Led to Questioning the World Around Me?

As a child, I was a happy, quiet, smiling girl. I always made my bed, did my own laundry, and helped with chores around the house — rarely ever complaining, but happy to help out. It wasn’t until I was in high school where things started to change. I started to feel the pressure from my parents. I started to notice people weren’t as friendly, and that more and more people were wearing a mask. I couldn’t understand how some people would judge others for the clothes they wore, or the people they hung out with, and before long, I was a part of the problem. I felt as though I couldn’t be my true self, the girl that loved to dance and act goofy, the girl that had a wild imagination and that found joy in the simplest things. 

My Biggest Questions:

Perfectionism: I grew up in Wilmette, a wealthy suburb just north of Chicago. As I kid, I loved it — trees everywhere, just steps from the beach, and kids my age all around. But as I got older, I noticed like everywhere else, it didn’t come without it’s challenges. There was a pressure to be perfect in my neighborhood. I noticed that my parents would brag about all of our accomplishments, and the others would do the same about their kids. It felt like a race to see who had the smartest, most talented child in the neighborhood. Why?

Conformity: I was confused why there was a pre-made path for me. That I was expected to go from k-12 school straight to college, and then get a job and spend the rest of my days in corporate working for a company until I was too old to actually live the life I wanted to live — just the same as everyone else around me. Why?

Higher Education: I couldn’t understand why the courses in college were planned out for me, with little room for exploring my interests since those wouldn’t contribute to my degree. Instead, I was forced to take multiple semesters of Texas government, a state I had no interest in living in, and multiple semesters of calculus, a class I despised and have yet to use since. Why?

Alcohol: I couldn’t understand how alcohol, a substance that made me so sick was so widely accepted in society. And if I didn’t play along, I would be shamed, lose friends, and be an outcast. So I drank — and spent every week throwing up, anxious and depressed. Why?

Corporate Culture: After graduating from college with a degree in advertising, I found a job as a marketing coordinator for an association management company in Chicago. I felt on top of the world, finally on my own with a purpose (or so I thought). The company was small, only about 20 people, and I genuinely felt they cared about me. They were invested in my growth, placing more value on who I was and what I stood for than on my skill set at the time. It’s a feeling I haven’t experienced in any corporate setting since. But after a year, my company was acquired and I quickly had a better idea of what corporate world was like. Hustle culture, toxic leadership, and lack of appreciation and recognition took over and I found myself in a constant state of burnout. It didn’t matter if I changed my job, or loved my manager — the underlying problem remained the same. Every business cares more about the bottom line than their employees. Why?

Social Media: Fast forward a few years to 2022, COVID had banished everyone to our homes, to work remotely. Social media is now the only way to connect with one another and it took my addiction to the next level. I found myself more anxious than ever, and I didn’t even realize it. I would feel down, spending my time comparing myself to others on Instagram — just as I felt my parents would do bragging to their friends at parties. It felt fake, toxic, and narcissistic. I felt my attention span lowering, spending any free time I had, doom scrolling on TikTok and trying to convince myself it was productive when really I was wanting what everyone else had. I noticed my bank account was lowering as I bought more and more clothes in an attempt to be more like the influencers on social media. Why?

Pressure on Women: In 2024, I had reached a 5-year point in my relationship that I felt wasn’t right at my core. But the pressure from my family and society to get engaged and start that next chapter was suffocating. I felt as though I was 40 years old and didn’t have any time left, but at the same time, starting over felt like an impossible task. Why?

How I Navigated These Questions

Feeling lost, I turned to God and by some miracle, met someone who shared my values and pushed me to be a better person. Within a few months of meeting this person, I quit drinking, quit social media, stopped caring what people thought of me, stopped being the perfect, agreeable girl I had always been, and started to pay attention to what my body and brain wanted. I started reading more, going to church, watching more introspective videos and podcasts, and it wasn’t until I watched my first Near Death Experience (NDE) video, did I have a revelation that would change my life forever.

Now I live my life differently. I have a goal of learning something new every day. I try to do at least one creative thing each day. I spend any free time I have walking in nature. I began meditating and listening to my intuition. I have long talks with God about my purpose and where I need to move my energy. 

Having an awakening can feel like you figured everything out.. But it’s only the beginning. There is so much to learn, so much to give back, so much growing to do as a person. Its moving from a world of the ego, to a world of oneness. 

In this site, I will take you on my journey of discovery and finding my path. Maybe something will resonate with you along the way.. Maybe not. Either way, thank you for taking the time to open your mind.

Now, I invite you to look at your life and find areas that make you question. Look at what makes you unique and topics that interest you most and explore them. Don’t listen to everyone else — build your own path. Take risks, be unique, be yourself, and remember, love is all that matters in the end.